I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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