What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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