did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Buhtt sex?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
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Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
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I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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