This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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