Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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