Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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