Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize