i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have beer where we have blood.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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