Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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