guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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