There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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