i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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