So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
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I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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