just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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