We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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