i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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