He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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