So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize