I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
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You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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