I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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