is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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