you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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