My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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