you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize