I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize