I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dear god my vagina.
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