Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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