I am in a vortex of obligation.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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