I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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