i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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