She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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