final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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