I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize