"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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