Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
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Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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