I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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