You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize