Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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