dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
3pm strippers are depressing
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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