so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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