You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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