when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
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Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I need moral support for this bender
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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