My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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