Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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