I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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