Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
