Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
