her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
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She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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