last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She bit a glass in half.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
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I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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