I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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