Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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